Saturday, 31 May 2008


This is hard to type. The other day I was turning a corner when I collided with a guy walking in opposite direction. He bounced off a car parked on the pavement I bounced off a brick wall. We both made a quick apology to each other an carried on our way. That's when I noticed that my arm hurt but thought it was just bruised.
The next day I woke up unable to move my arm so a trip to the hospital A+E department. After a couple of x-rays it turns out that I have broken a piece of bone off my elbow.
X-rays have gone all high tech now. The doctor asked me back into the room for a chat and I noticed these two very large computer screens. I looked quickly at one screen and said to the doctor, "I see the problem" and pointed at the screen, "I am not an expert like you but that looks like a foot".
The doctor looked at me witheringly and said, "That's not yours". After a couple of mouse clicks he replaced the foot with my elbow.
Later in the day I was out with friends (by friends I mean people taking the mick out of my sling) when Robsey asked me if I was right or left handed.
"Right" I replied.
He says "Well, you are going to have a problem when you go to the toilet".
"Actually" Says I. "I wanted to have a word with you about that".
"No way am I holding your willy when you go to the toilet". Says he.
"You don't have to". Says I, "Coz, I'm going for a crap".
So there you go. Get well soon messages can be sent the usual way.

Thursday, 29 May 2008

No rest for the techs.

I am taking a few days off and it has started already. A student who left last Friday has been in touch with a technical problem and she needs my help. All my fault for saying "If you need me, you know how to find me.
Nothing much happening at this end at the moment with it being half term. I accidentally got volunteered to move some decking (heavy work), I am cleaning the house (boring work) and I am fixing things (just work).
My mate Simon has the day off today. I wonder if he wants to go for a stroll to the Tiger later.
While I was walking into town the other day I was nearly run down by a bunch of kids on bikes, then I realised it wasn't their fault. It was those muppets at the council who can't do a simpl
e job right. study this photo for stupid mistakes.

Coming soon....... The shortest cycle path in the world.

Saturday, 24 May 2008

Well, that was fun.

The piccies are ready for viewing, just go to;

Or there is a slideshow here;

Tell one, tell all.

Well done to Stuart for getting the new Job.
On the subject of Stuart I've been asked to show what happens when a student cons him into using an electric shock pen.

Keep in touch
See ya'll on results day.

Friday, 23 May 2008

"And now, the end is near............." & Fotie time

So it has finally arrived. Today the year 13 students are going off on study leave. It should be a day of noisy students (nothing new) last minute leaver books writing, signing and white school shirt (from Primark) writing. Big shouts to Leoni as it is her birthday today. To Hayley for the chocolate. To Stuart who has a job interview today, good luck, mate.
Let the mayhem commence.

The pics I put here yesterday have been moved to;

Tuesday, 20 May 2008

It's alive!... It's alive!.....

Here it is, the last week before study leave and the students have started fighting back, blogwise. Bring it on, I say.
Firtsly a message for Kelly. As long as Nick does not read this he will not know that you were finishing off your Film Studies work 5 minutes before the class started. To be honest no one would believe you were doing any work in the first place, you little table dancer.
I am drastically trying to get good material for the last week blog but the students seem to be;

A: Happy to be leaving.
B: Sad to be leaving.
C: Stressing over the upcoming exams.
D: Trying to get last minute work in.
E: Writing in each others leavers books.
F: Not giving a damn.

Last weekend was the the local brass band festival and beer walk and all I got was Dobcross Brass Band got pelted by peanuts. No funny photos, no one arrested (well, one, nearly arrested) and no juicy gossip. Come on people, you are letting me down. I would have thought at least one of you would have given me something worth writing about. Don't make me follow you all with a camera on Friday.
Actually that last sentence sounds a little wrong.
I hope to be back later today with an update.

Friday, 16 May 2008

Dumbing down...

As we near the time of year that the students go off on study leave I found myself thinking of the most memorable comments made by both the students and myself over the months. Do you recognise yourself in this list?

Me: It's not my A level

Student: my headphones won't work.
Me: Are they plugged in?
Student: Ahh

Me: Bad planning on your behalf does not constitute an emergency on mine.

Student about to go on stage for a performance exam: Here are my lighting cues.

Me: No, I will not stay late because you are under rehearsed.

Me: No, I will not come in early in the morning because you are under rehearsed.

Student: I have a 4:15 deadline for my coursework. What is the latest time I can hand it in?

Student: I have lost my phone somewhere in the department.
Me: Have you tried ringing it?
Student: I can't, I've lost my phone.

Student: Why can't I open my video on edit PC 4?
Me: Which PC did you capture it on?
Student: Edit 3.
Me: Work it out.

Student: I can't get any sound out of my microphone.
Me: You don't get sound out of a microphone.

Student: Why does my clarinet sound like a piano in Sibileus?

Me: No eating in the study area.
Student: Crisps aren't eating.

Student: I've lost my phone.
Me: Is it anything like this one I have here?
Student: Yes. If you find one will you let me know.

Me: (singing): What's that coming over the hill, is it a deadline? Is it a deadline?

Student: This printer isn't working.
Me: That's because when you send to print you have to press 'OK'.

Me: I don't want to be me anymore.

Student: It was like that when I booked it out.

Me: Kelly, get out from under that table.

Me: What part of 'NO' don't you understand.

Student: I've got a dance showback in 30 minutes and I've left my music cd at home and I need another copy, with a few changes making, and another piece adding in and I don't have any blank cds to burn it on.

Me: There's nothing like a well designed website, and this is nothing like a well designed website.

Me: No, I will not do it for you.

Student: How long has that TV been hanging from the ceiling?
Me: About 12 years.
Student: No way.

Student: have you seen my exam CD?
Me: What's written on it?
Student: Nothing, but it's blue on one side and silver on the other.

Student: Do you have any Tippex?
Me: We've moved one from there, it's called the 'delete key'

Student: These headphones aren't working.
Me: That's because you are plugged into the microphone socket.

Student: You know how you are a technical genius, what can you do with a USB stick that is broken into 4 pieces?
Me: Drop it in the bin.

PEBKAC: Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair

Student: I need a tape.
Me: What type?
Student: What types are there?
Me: Audio cassette, VHS, DAT, mini DV, Gaffer, celo, reel to reel, parcel, measuring and tapeworm. We have all the above except the last one because it was over qualified to be a media student.

Student: It made a popping sound and then stopped working, is that bad?

Me: Are there any students here with DJ experience?
(Student puts up hand grinning cockily)
Me: OK. So as you know nothing about sound levels we will start with the basics.

Student: Don't tell Lee or he will go mad.
Me: I heard that.

Me: There is a camera case in shot.
Student: No one will notice it.
Me: I noticed it, re shoot.

Dance students looking at an online atlas: Oh look, there really is a Madagascar.

Student: What is that programme you do Powerpoints in?

Me: If you want to keep something secret around heare type it up in Ariel Bold 200 point and print it out on A3 neon green paper and put it up on all 4 walls and no one will read it.

Student: I'm going to fail

Feel free to use the comments link below to add to these.

Thursday, 15 May 2008

Bouncy, bouncy

One of the students was wlking down the street when she heard someone shouting her name. She looked around and could not see anyone around. Then it happenned again and she still could not see anyone. this went on for a few more shouts and she was getting more and more confused as everytime she looked around there was no one to be seen. Eventually she found out that a friend of hers had installed a trampoline in her garden. Well, it made me smile.

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Robot Chicken Soup

I read in the newspaper this morning that some scientists have been given £1m to find out if a robot can stir soup. I remember many years ago at junior school I was taken into the school kitchen for some reason or other and in the corner was a huge vat of custard being stirred by a machine. Just to help the scientists on their way I suggest as an add on the robot will get nowhere without a tin opener, so fit one.
To be honest the £1m could have been better spent on aid for Burma and China.

Monday, 12 May 2008

Silence is golden....

Music exams today so the study area is out of bounds to anything louder than a mouse click.
With the weather still being all summery I spent part of Saturday cycling around a local country park. Two boxer dogs decided to show a little friendly interest in the bikes but the owner shouted them away, their names? Pepsi and Max.
Well the Football season has come to an end, United won the league, Bolton survived the drop zone and City got battered 8 - 1 by Middlesborough, so everybody happy there then.

Thursday, 8 May 2008

Students a go go.....going

Well the Talent show went ok and a good time was had by all although I found the semi naked male students stage invaders a bit disturbing. Well done to all in the choir with the Les Mis stuff, sounded good and manged to walk into positions without tripping eachother up.
I noticed that the students are getting a little noisier than usual in the Study Area (you know who you are), it could be the good weather we are having at last or the fact they are all going on study leave in two weeks. I'll miss the noise, the mess, the hung over students sleeping it off, the blatant use of Facebook, the bikini top flashing (I bet you don't do that on Youtube Kelly).
The biggest problem is, what am I going to do for material for this blog with without them? This could be a problem, I may have to broaden my search for people talking stupid.
To the staff room.

Wednesday, 7 May 2008

Day One 10:30 AM

What goes "ping ping ping PING PING PING PING ping ping ping ping PING?
Answer: The piano tuner in the next room. He's been at it for about an hour now.
Later today We are doing an afternoon college talent contest. I'll be doing the lighting for it but some form of rehearsal would be nice. Never mind it's break time and I am going out