Dumbing down...

As we near the time of year that the students go off on study leave I found myself thinking of the most memorable comments made by both the students and myself over the months. Do you recognise yourself in this list?

Me: It's not my A level

Student: my headphones won't work.
Me: Are they plugged in?
Student: Ahh

Me: Bad planning on your behalf does not constitute an emergency on mine.

Student about to go on stage for a performance exam: Here are my lighting cues.

Me: No, I will not stay late because you are under rehearsed.

Me: No, I will not come in early in the morning because you are under rehearsed.

Student: I have a 4:15 deadline for my coursework. What is the latest time I can hand it in?

Student: I have lost my phone somewhere in the department.
Me: Have you tried ringing it?
Student: I can't, I've lost my phone.

Student: Why can't I open my video on edit PC 4?
Me: Which PC did you capture it on?
Student: Edit 3.
Me: Work it out.

Student: I can't get any sound out of my microphone.
Me: You don't get sound out of a microphone.

Student: Why does my clarinet sound like a piano in Sibileus?

Me: No eating in the study area.
Student: Crisps aren't eating.

Student: I've lost my phone.
Me: Is it anything like this one I have here?
Student: Yes. If you find one will you let me know.

Me: (singing): What's that coming over the hill, is it a deadline? Is it a deadline?

Student: This printer isn't working.
Me: That's because when you send to print you have to press 'OK'.

Me: I don't want to be me anymore.

Student: It was like that when I booked it out.

Me: Kelly, get out from under that table.

Me: What part of 'NO' don't you understand.

Student: I've got a dance showback in 30 minutes and I've left my music cd at home and I need another copy, with a few changes making, and another piece adding in and I don't have any blank cds to burn it on.

Me: There's nothing like a well designed website, and this is nothing like a well designed website.

Me: No, I will not do it for you.

Student: How long has that TV been hanging from the ceiling?
Me: About 12 years.
Student: No way.

Student: have you seen my exam CD?
Me: What's written on it?
Student: Nothing, but it's blue on one side and silver on the other.

Student: Do you have any Tippex?
Me: We've moved one from there, it's called the 'delete key'

Student: These headphones aren't working.
Me: That's because you are plugged into the microphone socket.

Student: You know how you are a technical genius, what can you do with a USB stick that is broken into 4 pieces?
Me: Drop it in the bin.

PEBKAC: Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair

Student: I need a tape.
Me: What type?
Student: What types are there?
Me: Audio cassette, VHS, DAT, mini DV, Gaffer, celo, reel to reel, parcel, measuring and tapeworm. We have all the above except the last one because it was over qualified to be a media student.

Student: It made a popping sound and then stopped working, is that bad?

Me: Are there any students here with DJ experience?
(Student puts up hand grinning cockily)
Me: OK. So as you know nothing about sound levels we will start with the basics.

Student: Don't tell Lee or he will go mad.
Me: I heard that.

Me: There is a camera case in shot.
Student: No one will notice it.
Me: I noticed it, re shoot.

Dance students looking at an online atlas: Oh look, there really is a Madagascar.

Student: What is that programme you do Powerpoints in?

Me: If you want to keep something secret around heare type it up in Ariel Bold 200 point and print it out on A3 neon green paper and put it up on all 4 walls and no one will read it.

Student: I'm going to fail

Feel free to use the comments link below to add to these.